It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
