Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
