We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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