I met the friendliest cop last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
