Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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