I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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