I skipped work to stalk him.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
