I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
