if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
