So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
