My nipple is on Facebook.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
