And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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