if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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