onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my liver is dry heaving
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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