I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
