i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
