Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
