my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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