I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
