Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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