I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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