Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
