Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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