It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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