Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
