Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
