So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
