Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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