Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
