Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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