last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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