can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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