careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
