she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
