Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
