shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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