have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
