Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
