I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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