Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
