"it" just moved
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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