What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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