and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
