pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
