I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
