I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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