your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
