I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
