I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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