he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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