Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
